Saturday, August 19, 2006
Hating Customers Over the Phone
Despite the fact that occasionally I come across a customer who is both intelligent and aware that I am there for assistance rather than holding their hand and wiping their bottoms as they pick up those big bad books - I still pretty much hate all the people that come into the Store.
Of course they don't have to set foot in the building for me to despise them. Over the past couple of weeks I've been lucky enough to answer the phone when the neediest motherfuckers in the world call in. I have no problem helping someone who is looking for a book, I mean, hey that's my job. But calling a store and asking for a textbook with the easily specified title "Algebra I" without any additional information and then personally attacking me for not being able to locate said book, I believe that is too much. After another ten minutes of my explaining how the ISBN (International Standard Book Number) number works and how having that number would help me help her find the list of ten textbooks with the most generic names possible, the woman was just about to finally hang up the phone and I thought I would finally be free. However, no such luck. And as for the tenth time I say "So sorry ma'am but without those ISBN's I just can't locate English Textbook II" and start to put the receiver down, when I hear "Oh, but I have a few of those ISBN things you were talking about. Would that help?"
This is what I wanted to say to her:
Would that help? Hrm...let's think. As soon as you told me you were looking for specific textbooks, I mentioned ISBN's. Then when you kept listing the titles, I made sure that you knew an ISBN would be the only way to locate your specific Algebra I book. And then I mentioned those pesky ISBN's yet again when I suggested you contact your child's school to get the numbers so we could order in the books. But it took ten excruciating minutes of my repeating the exact same words for them to sink into your cretenious and plodding brain. Then and only then does something perk up in your insignificant noggin to say "ISBN...ISBN....oh I have some of those! Would that help?" Yes! Yes, you damned idiotic jackass! Yes, it would most certainly help!
But I didn't say any of these things, much as I wanted to.
I gritted my teeth, counted to five and replied "Why yes, those would be most helpful indeed."
I plan to bill the store for any ensuing dental work.
Of course they don't have to set foot in the building for me to despise them. Over the past couple of weeks I've been lucky enough to answer the phone when the neediest motherfuckers in the world call in. I have no problem helping someone who is looking for a book, I mean, hey that's my job. But calling a store and asking for a textbook with the easily specified title "Algebra I" without any additional information and then personally attacking me for not being able to locate said book, I believe that is too much. After another ten minutes of my explaining how the ISBN (International Standard Book Number) number works and how having that number would help me help her find the list of ten textbooks with the most generic names possible, the woman was just about to finally hang up the phone and I thought I would finally be free. However, no such luck. And as for the tenth time I say "So sorry ma'am but without those ISBN's I just can't locate English Textbook II" and start to put the receiver down, when I hear "Oh, but I have a few of those ISBN things you were talking about. Would that help?"
This is what I wanted to say to her:
Would that help? Hrm...let's think. As soon as you told me you were looking for specific textbooks, I mentioned ISBN's. Then when you kept listing the titles, I made sure that you knew an ISBN would be the only way to locate your specific Algebra I book. And then I mentioned those pesky ISBN's yet again when I suggested you contact your child's school to get the numbers so we could order in the books. But it took ten excruciating minutes of my repeating the exact same words for them to sink into your cretenious and plodding brain. Then and only then does something perk up in your insignificant noggin to say "ISBN...ISBN....oh I have some of those! Would that help?" Yes! Yes, you damned idiotic jackass! Yes, it would most certainly help!
But I didn't say any of these things, much as I wanted to.
I gritted my teeth, counted to five and replied "Why yes, those would be most helpful indeed."
I plan to bill the store for any ensuing dental work.
