Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Some F'ed Up Books
One of the joys of working for a bookstore is the abundance of horrible horrible books that cross your path on a daily basis.
Here are a few that have tickled my sick sense of humor:
Dancing with Cats
This abomination is just as entertaining as the title suggests. Large older women, bemaked-up gay men, and drugged children cavorting about with overweight felines. The cats all seem to have been tossed in the air by a literal catapult. I never know who I should feel more pity for: the cats or the people.
Usually, I side with the cats.
Healing with Crystals and Gemstones
This is one of many many books that Corporate says is "New Age" and I call "self-delusional bullshit." There is no way on our slowly warming Earth that crystals can heal you. Gemstones can heal...inasmuch as they are attached to a really spectacular piece of jewelry; other than that, not really. The fact that publishers keep churning this garbage out only serves to prove that people when faced with choosing between reality and make-believe, will frequently choose make-believe,especially if it means they get to own and play with shiny things.
You The Owners Manual
While this book might actually have merit, the title alone warrants severe and active mocking. Nuff said.
Seduced By Hitler
Apart from the fact that the title goes a long way into making Hitler sound like a pedophile (a feat which I distinctly approve), the cover seals the deal. The cover shows us a dashingly handsome (if you're Eva Braun) Adolf menacingly placing his hand on the shoulder of a uniformed little Hitler Youth member. How an entire country found this man charming enough to slaughter millions of people is completely beyond me.
Shooting Bears
This is a perfect example of title meaning vs content. The book is actually not about taking a big ass gun and going into the wild and shooting randomly at bears large enough to eviscerate a grown man with one swipe of its gigantic claw. This book is actually about taking a big ass camera and doing the rest of it. Of course the lovely pictures of saliva encrusted bear maws are accompanied by stories of courage in the face of danger, i.e. bears. However, what slayed me (pun partially intended) are the stories where courage was not enough and the bears did some major damage. No amount of shots of happy little cubs will make me forget that these animals are maneaters. Shooting bears, indeed.
Here are a few that have tickled my sick sense of humor:
Dancing with Cats
This abomination is just as entertaining as the title suggests. Large older women, bemaked-up gay men, and drugged children cavorting about with overweight felines. The cats all seem to have been tossed in the air by a literal catapult. I never know who I should feel more pity for: the cats or the people.
Usually, I side with the cats.
Healing with Crystals and Gemstones
This is one of many many books that Corporate says is "New Age" and I call "self-delusional bullshit." There is no way on our slowly warming Earth that crystals can heal you. Gemstones can heal...inasmuch as they are attached to a really spectacular piece of jewelry; other than that, not really. The fact that publishers keep churning this garbage out only serves to prove that people when faced with choosing between reality and make-believe, will frequently choose make-believe,especially if it means they get to own and play with shiny things.
You The Owners Manual
While this book might actually have merit, the title alone warrants severe and active mocking. Nuff said.
Seduced By Hitler
Apart from the fact that the title goes a long way into making Hitler sound like a pedophile (a feat which I distinctly approve), the cover seals the deal. The cover shows us a dashingly handsome (if you're Eva Braun) Adolf menacingly placing his hand on the shoulder of a uniformed little Hitler Youth member. How an entire country found this man charming enough to slaughter millions of people is completely beyond me.
Shooting Bears
This is a perfect example of title meaning vs content. The book is actually not about taking a big ass gun and going into the wild and shooting randomly at bears large enough to eviscerate a grown man with one swipe of its gigantic claw. This book is actually about taking a big ass camera and doing the rest of it. Of course the lovely pictures of saliva encrusted bear maws are accompanied by stories of courage in the face of danger, i.e. bears. However, what slayed me (pun partially intended) are the stories where courage was not enough and the bears did some major damage. No amount of shots of happy little cubs will make me forget that these animals are maneaters. Shooting bears, indeed.
